Blogging Anxiety

In a previous class we were asked to create a blog and post our assignments to it.  That 'blog' served as an online reservoir of assignments completed outside of the blog.   It was not blogging.  But nonetheless, my work was online and it didn't bother me much.

For this class, we were again asked to create our own blog and actually do some blogging; and I was comfortable with the first two posts from last week.

But something happened this week.  Something dawned on me!

A blog post  is so completely public...transparent, searchable, permanent. A reflection of my authority -- or utter lack thereof. 

Yes, we read this in Will Richardson's book Blogs, Wikis, Podcasts, and Other Powerful Web Tools for Classrooms. - but reading it is different than experiencing it. 

I'm fairly confident in my work, but when I'm not - I remind myself that its just a single assignment in my expanding portfolio - that the instructor will surely understand its shortcomings, award me a grade, and we all move-on - burying the assignment somewhere not to be touched again.

But its not like that anymore.  Its not only the instructor reading it...its not just an assignment...it is on the WIDE WORLD WEB. Others are free to read - to comment - to criticism - to refute - to reference!

"My God, where did you read all that nonsense?"

"Oh, it was on Heba's blog." 

Yes, of course, the potential to engage with a broader audience is a powerful characteristic of a blog. The learning element of a conversation....the back and forth synthesis of ideas and thoughts. 

But still, I am the main voice.  I am the one on stage, under the spotlight; and there is no after show celebration (a grade posted and an assignment checked off as complete).  Because the show doesn't really end, it is still online and the audience can applaud or boo at anytime.

I'm much more aware of what I think and write and who or what I link to.  Those English composition courses stressing critical reading and analysis - finding credible sources - synthesizing of information.  Its not lip service anymore...it is real and required and reflects on me personally, academically and professionally.

And what of it at the end?  This long post and anguishing thoughts over a mere twenty-two page views as of November 5th!  Not twenty-two hundred.  Not twenty-two thousand.  And certainly not 2.2 million.  Twenty-two page views, that's it!? 

Oh well, a girl can dream of stardom and popularity... yes, even some criticism, why not?  “The trouble with most of us is that we'd rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism.”  Norman Vincent Peale, Minister & Author of The Power of Positive Thinking.

I end with this image recently posted on author Elizabeth Gilbert's facebook page.

For now...this post is good enough.  And I'm happy with that.